Attachment
April 9, 2008 oleh sora9n
“…But for now, I think the feelings overflowed too much that it feels strange. That’s why I’ll step aside for a while; it’s alright.”
– Sō Tōma
Q.E.D. by Motohiro Katou[1]
Recently, I think I haven’t been my usual self. Something’s changing from inside me… something of which I don’t feel like it.
That I, eventually, feel this abundance of emotion in my mind as a hindrance. Like the tidal wave that starts to disrupt my logical consideration little by little, it breaches the boundary I have set over: that I shouldn’t take care of matters on emotional basis; that I shouldn’t do things carelessly in the absence of such regulation.
I think, I’ve grown attachment into a number of things too much. So much that it doesn’t feel like the usual “me” I would recognize in the mirror — the “me” I have been accustomed to and happy of.
And that’s how it matters.
That I can’t neglect those things in making my decisions; that I have been more prone to emotional consideration in deciding what to do; that I can no longer, at least yet, stand as a lone wolf who only does what he sees is right.
I think, I start to change. And that’s not a thing I feel comfortable with: because whenever I dealt with things with too much degree of emotional consideration, it tends to break down in the end. And when it breaks, the one who suffered isn’t only me — it’s a collateral damage. Many, in case not all, of the parties involved will suffer from what stems out of a misleading decision.
Just as I have proven and learned it the hard way, I knew the feelings all too well.
…
…
And now, it’s overflowing. Too much heaven, too much love, too much care, too much stake, too much risk, too much attention paid for those things I care of — so much that it constantly irks and bugs me in any way possible. And perhaps that’s also why I couldn’t be as solitary anymore. That I couldn’t be as ignorant as a lone wolf as I used to be — but that’s another story for this time.
I guess I’d space out for a while. I just want to get back a scent of my old self a little more — the “me” that used to be more objective, let alone colder in approaching things. Like Tōma said in the above quote: perhaps it’s alright to do so once in a while.
Yeah. It’s alright.
—–
[1] Loose translation based on my memory. Check the volume 8 of the tankoubon for the exact phrase.
—–
Ps:
Buat Kopral Geddoe, sori, post-nya ditunda dulu. Lagi pengen curhat soalnya. 
Tormented by love ya bro?
Santai bro, selama janur kuning masi blon melengkung!
@ Apret
One thing for sure… It’s not about romance if you want to know.
Though yes, it’s about love for others — but not particularly about romance in any case.
BTW, thanks for the mail.
This is emo fest.
Grab a cup of a very sugary coffee and relax.
@sora9n
Ah a sentimental entry…so human. And being so torments you Mas Sora? It’s really weird to know that one tries to shun emotional burdens, while other [myself] tries to find one rational justification to abandon reason, which appears to be harder each day. I want to be more emotional, more human.
@Kopral
What post? Curious.
why would you bother thinking about it?
life is just life. discarding emotions are not necessarily either cool or good thing to do. emotional considerations are necessary to some extent. attachments and relationships are convenient as it is wielded properly.
life is just life. humans never have purpose of living anyway; they make it. leading a simple and proper life are sometimes enough to someone, and in many cases it depends simply upon their own choice.
oh. anyway.
don’t take life too seriously. nobody gets out alive anyways.
You need some good AC/DC songs to lit your life up.
Ano, Sore… *look paintfully to the source of qoutation*
*spechless*
Can’t imagine you know about him too, So Toma I mean.
:: Kopral Geddoe
this.
~ketularan gaya di forum entah mana
~kabur ah, sebelum digorok sang empunya blog
@ Kopral Geddoe
…as I did earlier that afternoon.
In my case, it would be a mix of some power ballads, punks, pop tracks, J-rocks, and — in some rare events — additional Wagners plus Vivaldis.
:::::
@ gentole
It’s quite strange, indeed, Mas Gentole. Maybe we’re actually kind-of-two completing halves?
:::::
@ yud1
In no time did I say that I’m to discard emotional consideration off my head. Problem is, when there are too many emotional attachments with too much intensity, you don’t go solving your problems in the most efficient manner possible. Other way, it ends up in bad situation.
A good example, though not generally applies — [Xaliber's webcomic]. Or something like that.
…that doesn’t mean you can let it be a kind of junkyard, either.
:::::
@ Snowie
Of course I know him. He’s a legend.
hmmmm….~
bingung mo bilang apa…
been there, indeed.
tapi ga tau mesti komen apa, soalnya mungkin yang di rasain cowok dan cewek itu berbeda, juga cara mengatasinya.
kalo saya, saya pilih maen dingdong ato makan es krim banyak-banyak.
i guess during that period, all i need was just some distraction.
hope it works on u too
ganbatte.
*ngliadh komeng diatas*
siyal, boso linggis semua…
—
“And now, it’s overflowing. Too much heaven, too much love, too much care, too much stake, too much risk, too much attention paid”
Memang, if overflowing too much is not delicious for your life *halah*
[...] Saya hampir menangis tadi malam Saya bisa tersenyum pagi [...]
Gitu ya…
abis di lingkungan saya nggak ada yang kenal dia sih.
BTW, kebetulan banget ya… Uch!